


Keep Your Eyes to Yourself

by Zykaben



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Basically Elias is still kicking around and hates Jonah so fucking much, Crack, Gen, It's a little silly, Kinda?, Possession, spoilers for episode 160
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 13:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zykaben/pseuds/Zykaben
Summary: A series of snapshots where Elias’ consciousness is still kicking around while Jonah Magnus pilots his body. Elias does everything he can to annoy the hell out of Jonah.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 208
Collections: Real Elias Bouchard Fics





	Keep Your Eyes to Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing any of these characters, so rip me.
> 
> I love TMA and I especially hate one Jonah Magnus so this was cathartic.
> 
> Happy reading!

There were not many things that Jonah could honestly say that he regretted. Perhaps there were things that he would have done differently, if given the chance, but only in the sense that it would have had certain factors come together more conveniently. Yes, there had been errors, and yes, there had been setbacks, but all in all Jonah was truly satisfied with himself and his actions.

_ “This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends!” _

There was… one thing he distinctly could have done without, though.

_ “Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was—” _

It wasn’t technically any more than an inconvenience, but—

_ “And they are still singing it, just because this is the song that never ends—” _

“Would you shut up?” Jonah snapped, all sense of decorum momentarily slipping.

_ “Oh shit, lemme think about it? Hm, yeah, results are in: fuck you.” _

Jonah let out a long, loud exhale out through his nose.

Possessing one Elias Bouchard and then somehow not properly neutralizing his consciousness was the biggest mistake of Jonah’s life.

_ “Oh, what do ya know,” _ Elias’ voice rang clear and scathing in Jonah’s head, _ “the biggest mistake of _ my _ life was when I came to work at the spooky-scary research dump that led to some absolute fucker putting his goddamn eyes into my—” _

“Elias,” Jonah said, voice thin and frustrated. He didn’t usually bother to speak aloud or directly to Elias unless he was being particularly annoying. Like right now. “I have paperwork that I need to do.”

_ “Oh shoot, I’ll just pipe down.” _

Jonah couldn’t help the surprised blink he had at that. That wasn’t like Elias at _ all _ so he probably—

A shrill screech suddenly sprang to life, the sound echoing in Jonah’s skull and nowhere else. Jonah stopped himself from startling, but only just.

_ “I can’t believe that you bought that for even a second, you dumb piece of shit. You don’t think that I don’t know how much you get off on doing your stupid forms? Like I’ll give you the satisfaction.” _

Jonah grit his teeth. “If you want the limited leash you have yourself on right now to be pulled tighter, then—”

_ “Oh, by all means, be my fucking guest. We both know that suppressing me like you usually do will drag away your precious concentration from filing taxes or whatever it is that you do. You like this so much that you won’t even _ Look _ anywhere else when you do it. So go ahead, shut me up. I win either way.” _

Jonah closed his eyes—just the ones on his face, but those were the only he had open at the moment, anyway—and took in a deep breath. Such a petty and ultimately useless ploy. It would gain Elias nothing and would do nothing to inhibit Jonah’s plans. An inconvenience, if Jonah could even classify it as such. Really, what was Elias trying to accomplish?

_ “Anything to make your wretched existence even just a little bit more unbearable. Now, where was I? Oh, right. This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it, not knowing—” _

Jonah ruthlessly shoved Elias’ consciousness as deep as he could. Elias pushed back like he always did, but his efforts were once again completely laughable and entirely in vain; he couldn’t hope to overcome Jonah’s will. Still, there was a mildly unpleasant sensation grating against the edge of Jonah’s mind as Elias futilely attempted to break out. It wasn’t painful and calling is uncomfortable may even be too much of a stretch but it _ was _ annoying and distracting.

Jonah let out a long sigh and allowed himself a forlorn look at the paperwork in front of him. There was no way that he’d be able to properly enjoy this now. Something foreign and vaguely amused tickled at him. Jonah silenced it before picking up his pen and starting once again.

* * *

Jonah could feel something not dissimilar to a smile tugging at his lips as he signed off on another set of forms from Artefact Storage authorizing the acquisition of several new relics to the collection. He couldn’t say that he was personally interested in any of them beyond a superficial curiosity, but it was still satisfying to know that pieces of other Entities were being held there, trapped and kept from their purpose. Not to mention the fact that authorization usually led to a great deal of bureaucracy. That wasn’t the main purpose, of course, but it was a rather fortunate side effect. It was structured. Logical. Jonah knew _ exactly _ where to look and where to push to get the results he wanted, how to tie up those against him in red tape so intricately woven that they wouldn’t realize it was a noose around their neck until Jonah _ pulled. _

People were so much… _ messier. _ They were things that decided to act against all logic and sense if it _ felt _ right to them. They were contradictory and flawed and so very, very foolish. That wasn’t to say that Jonah couldn’t _ understand _ them. No, Jonah Knew people, could See what made them tick. They were all variables, factors that could change at any time, but ultimately they were still predictable. Still disgustingly human.

But such a thought wasn’t relevant at the moment. The point was simply that Jonah relished the time he had to simply fill out form and—

_ “Oh god, no. This can’t—this is the worst.” _

Jonah felt himself freeze, just for a moment. He then deliberately placed his pen down, not bothering to put the cap back on. He took in a deep breath.

_ “My whole life, I could have gone not knowing this, but instead, this awful truth, this disgusting _ thing _ will never truly leave my mind and I must—” _

“Elias,” Jonah said, his voice deliberately flat and exasperated, “you have managed to… catch me while I am in a _ decent _mood. So I will indulge you this one thing in the hopes of you shutting up for the rest of the day. What is it.”

Jonah’s brow furrowed as he felt something akin to genuine fear and righteous fury bubble against the edges of his mind. Something seemed to have Elias sincerely upset, but it wasn’t like anything had—

_ “I have a straight man inside of me and piloting _ my _ body. This is the worst fucking day of my life and I’ll have you know that I got fucking possessed—” _

Jonah immediately forced Elias down and resigned himself to another session of only slightly enjoyable paperwork.

* * *

Elias seemed to be on a mission to completely ruin any time Jonah spent performing basic bureaucratic work. Jonah couldn’t say that he was especially surprised by this, but it was still bothersome.

Still, Jonah had tentatively stopped repressing Elias that day so that he could at least _ try _ to get some semblance of his usual gratification while filling out some forms. And, so far, it has paid off. A blissful hour of silence, no irritating consciousness forcing itself against his own, nothing he needed to watch at the moment—just the soft sounds of pen gliding over paper and the clock on the wall.

_ “Hey, imagine two ferrets fucking. Just, going the fuck at it, super steamy-like and here, I’m picturing it right now, have the image you—” _

Jonah instantly shut Elias down, but the damage had been done.

The pen snapped when it collided with the wall, black ink splattering across the wall and floor alike.

Jonah took in several deep breaths as he slowly lowered his arm.

He needed to get another pen.

* * *

Sleeping was, unfortunately, a necessity. A human body was limiting, but the tradeoff was more than worth it. Besides, Jonah had plans for how to eliminate such a human need, especially one that drained so very much of his time. But, for now, he simply made his way back to Elias’ apartment and let himself fall unconscious on the lumpy mattress.

The next thing he knew, Jonah was flailing against the sheets, his head pounding and an ear-bleedingly high pitched shriek ringing in his ears. Something almost-forgotten flooded his system—_ panic _—as he attempted to free himself.

Jonah only succeeded in crashing onto the floor in a heap, a string of curses spilling from his lips.

The shriek abruptly cut off into a choking, mangled version of a laugh before transitioning into full-on guffaws.

That was when Jonah realized that the sounds weren’t coming from anywhere around him. They were bouncing around in his head.

“What,” Jonah spit out from between clenched teeth, “was that for, exactly?”

_ “Oh, you know,” _ Elias’ voice came, unbearably smug and still oh so very amused. _ “I just decided to have the good ol’ nine o’clock scream. Really helps with the stress.” _

Jonah Looked at the time. “It is three in the morning. I am attempting to sleep because this pathetic excuse of a body apparently needs it—”

_ “Oh no, did I disturb you?” _ Elias gasped. Sarcasm dripped from every word. _ “Make you feel uncomfortable? How about you give my body back and I’ll stop.” _

“One day I will kill you,” Jonah vowed.

_ “Then do it right now, you coward.” _

“You don’t strike me as the type to entertain such a pressing death wish.”

_ “If it means you die? I’ll gladly drag you down to hell with me.” _

Jonah couldn’t help but let out a laugh, flat and unamused. 

What a human sentiment.

* * *

“Just make sure to leave the door open,” Jonah smiled, a cold and sharp thing.

Peter’s gaze narrowed as fog consumed him, the grey haze swelling around his form before he began to fade and vanished from sight.

Jonah exhaled sharply through his nose once Peter had fully disappeared. Everything was coming together so _ perfectly. _ Jon would go after Martin, throwing himself into The Lonely to face Peter. Oh, Jonah had no doubt that Peter would put up a fight to keep Martin _ there, _ but Jon had truly come into his own. And, well, when it came down to a direct confrontation? Peter would never come out on top.

Jonah had won. No one save for Peter knew it, but Jonah had _ won. _ The Archivist would soon have all fourteen of his marks and then it was only a simple matter of tricking him into reading one small statement.

Satisfaction thrummed through him, hot and exhilarating. Jonah didn’t bother to stop the rolling laughter that ripped itself from his throat, leaning into the feeling of pride and _ superiority. _ This was it. He had done it.

He had won.

His laughter quickly died down, the sound trailing off into a content sigh before he found himself standing in the Panopticon, silence his only companion for the time being. Now all that was left was to wait for Jon.

_ “How dare you.” _

Oh, bloody fantastic. Jonah had _ almost _ forgotten about his irksome hanger-on for a while there.

_ “That was my fucking joke.” _

Jonah cocked a brow. Elias wouldn’t be able to see the gesture, but he would still _ know. _ “Excuse me?”

_ “You stole my cheap whistle joke. You took my dick joke about Peter, made it worse, and then fucking used it like you owned it.” _

Jonah let his smile slide back onto his face. “I believe that you have made it a point to mention how I’ve possessed you on a regular basis. I own _ you, _ why not your insipid jokes as well.”

_ “Because that was just stupid and lazy. At least have some fucking class, you bastard.” _

Jonah rolled his eyes but didn’t bother to dignify Elias with any verbal or mental response.

He stood in silence once more.

_ “So you’re really doing this, huh.” _

Jonah blinked lazily at Elias’ tone. It was flat and hollow in a way that Elias never was. Interesting. “Hm? Care to be more specific?”

_ “You’re really ending the whole world.” _

“Oh Elias,” Jonah sighed out with a slow shake of his head, “this isn’t the end. It’s a new beginning. And once it has begun, then I am afraid to say that you have outlived your usefulness as a shell.”

The sound of Elias’ laugher tickled at Jonah’s mind. It was just as empty as his tone. _ “Not having to put up with you? Sounds like a damned blessing. Do me one favor though?” _

“No.”

_ “Make sure you stick around long enough to Watch everything break down around you, because it will. Wouldn’t want you to miss the show.” _

“Goodbye, Elias Bouchard,” Jonah said. “It’s been dreadful.”

_ “I couldn’t be happier with that review.” _

Jonah shoved Elias down for the last time.

Soon, so very soon, everything would come together.

It would be wonderful. It would be terrifying.

It would be _ perfect. _

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope that you enjoyed this fic! 
> 
> I had originally planned for Elias to know more memes but, well, he just wouldn't. Jonah possessed him a while back, probably sometime around 1996 since that's the year "Elias" became the head of the Magnus Institute and I just can't see Jonah being a filing clerk for any considerable length of time beforehand. So while I can't have Elias go "okay, boomer", I could still give him the Song that Never Ends.
> 
> Anyway, please comment and give kudos if you liked this fic! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Thank you for reading!


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